Friday, December 22, 2006

SO Disappointed

Aw. I totally thought the words were Chinese Lovers.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Public Defamation

Dear Roomate,

I am writing to address a recent issue in our mutual past. While it might have seemed that I did, I did not mind participating in the "Would You Do (Insert Celebrity Name)?" game. And though it may have appeared otherwise, I do absolutely have no problem condoning the fantasy of celebrity sex. I will note that I absolutely agreed with your inquiries of certain A-list celebrities such as "Elisha Cuthbert" and "Kate Beckinsale" and while I somewhat disagreed with your acceptance of "Paris Hilton" for personal, political and social reasons, I remained respectful of your decision; especially in light of your generous overlooking of my preference for the somewhat older "Maria Bello". In fact, I rather enjoyed pondering over your suggestions of "Rose Byrne" and "Kate Winslet" among others and I did also feel that "Barbara Walters" was a laughter provoking and controversial suggestion. Though things between us are icy now, you will perhaps remember that I laughed heavily at the thought of "schtupping" the esteemed cast of "The Golden Girls" and even offered back the 78th US Attorney General and Runner-up of the 2002 Florida Governorship Election, Janet Reno.

However, "Dakota Fanning" was NOT an appropriate response.

This is the reason for the terse silence and general awkwardness that has subsequently enveloped our daily interaction. I hope this letter clarifies the situation for you and that we might soon resolve this uncomfortable situation.

Yours, truly
- Roomie.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Pure Pulp

I don't want to offend the reading sensibilities of some of my dear friends, but i'm a sucker for any kind horrid garbage as long as it bears the labels Fantasy or Science Fiction. I have a filthy, filthy love for Space: 1999 and a fetid teenage desire to read each and every Dragonlance novella ever created, even the one's eulogizing the tales of sub character henchmen of sub characters from partial mentioned myths created by spinoff writers. So when I saw Robert Jordan's "A Crowd's Of Swords" lying discarded in a cardboard box labelled "take me" in a neighbouring alley, I did what any self-respecting science fiction geek would do. I got the hell out of the alley.

Nearby on an earlier day, I was just minding my own business when what should drive by, but the motherfrakkin' A-Team Van. As it rolled by, I could swear that there must have been speakers hidden all around the area playing that triumphant theme (Dun Dun dun DUN, DUN DUN DUN) even though I knew that it was a perfectly still autumn morning. But being the driver must be pretty cool, next to being almost as rad as Mr. T, his day is likely filled with exchanges like the one that experienced on that occasion; The one where he's out for some groceries and then catches me gawking at his wheels, I grin at him, he grins at me and I raise my arm in absolute solidarity.

Damn, man. The A-Team van. I'd be hella jealous if I didn't already have such a sweet ride.